The big beer companies would have you believe that beer is made to be poured down your mouth hole as quickly as possible.  Inventions like the wide mouth can, the vented can, and the vortex bottle allow drinkers to make poor decisions faster than ever before.  Here at Hapa’s, we believe there are many other uses for beer besides being a scapegoat for last night’s mistakes:

  • Is there anything worse than stepping outside in the morning to grab the paper only to hear the all too familiar squish of a snail being crushed under your bare feet?  Not only are there slimy snail guts between your toes, but you know that his brothers and sisters are munching away at your prized chrysanthemum garden.  Bury a jar of beer in your garden so just the rim of the jar is above ground.  Attracted by the beer, snails will fall into the jar and after one last glorious gulp, pass peacefully out of this world.


Sorry buddy, circle of life

  • Did you break the seal?  If you answered “yes” to this question, count on frequent trips to the porcelain palace.  While a night out at the bars can result in more trips to the men’s room than an 80 year-old with BPH, the diuretic nature of beer can be useful.  Have a kidney stone?  Try knocking back a few cold ones to flush that sucker out.  The solid buzz you have will make passing that stone feel like a walk in the park… a park of jagged rocks and searing fire.


“Hey, come here often?”

  • Wash your pillow cases in beer to help with insomnia.  An old wives’ tale says that the smell of hops is a natural sleep aid.  We’re sure this has nothing to do with the fact that all those wives’ husbands would come stumbling home from the pub reeking of beer and hops and immediately pass out.


Sleep like a drunken idiot

  • Beer can chicken, beer battered fish, beer chili, beer bread.  The list goes on and on.  Beer is a great way to add flavor to your favorite foods.  Looking for some recipes that include your favorite beer styles?  Check out Beer Advocates’ beer cookbook.


Is that a beer in you pocket or are you happy to see me?

  • The constant barrage of marketing by big beer makes it easy to fall prey to their gimmicks.  Let us not forget that beer can also be drunk slowly and enjoyed.  It can be paired with foods or dissected and analyzed like any fine wine.  Next time you order a beer, pass on the Coors Light and try an IPA or Stout.  Take time to use all five senses to really experience the liquid in your glass.  What does the beer look like?  What does it smell like?  How does it feel in the mouth?  Impress that cute girl with your knowledge of beer and if that doesn’t work, order a Bud Light and chug it!